Pride & Prejudice: the Indian retelling

R,

It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that an Indian woman with an ounce of common sense, has many an arranged marriage horror story to narrate.

I realize I’m not the most objective judge, but I think you’ll agree with me when I say my single friends seem no less marriageable than the brides described in newspaper personals. I’m guessing those brides are the golden standard if their parents feel secure enough about their virtues to trumpet them about town. 

The ideal debutante is almost always described as pleasant. My friends are certainly pleasant to me, and to anyone else they deem worthy of it. I don’t expect them to suffer a fool for a husband just to prove how placid they can be. They’re not exactly auditioning for diplomatic positions, after all. 

How can I tell the prospective groom’s a fool? Well, who else comes in demanding that his bride be ‘ambitious,’ but earn less than him; ‘outgoing,’ but give up any and all her friends after marriage? I’ve heard the whole gamut of stories, from the groom who wanted someone to look after his ill mother (may I suggest a caregiver), to the one who asked if they could live together for a couple of years before he committed to a marriage (yes, but that’s not how marriages are arranged!). My friends have been told they're too egoistic for the average Indian male, and need to set their standards more realistically. 

Those are ridiculous stories, the kind you can regale your grandchildren with, assuming you ever do find a sensible, smart guy. Then there are the ones you don’t want to tell anyone. It’s far too common to hear of men who mysteriously discern that you’re ‘modern,’ and try to make a physical move at the first meeting. And their mothers who suggest it’s the girl’s fault for leading him on. With what, a Bharat Matrimony profile? 

The wisdom of Indian elders suggests that arranged marriages are ‘safer’ and ‘more decent’ than love marriages. I beg to disagree, based on the scenario above. I also don’t see how imagining your life with a whole new stranger every three days is more morally sound than imagining your life with one person, whom you know and love.

I’m not saying arranged marriages don’t work, my parents’ marriage inspired me to want an arranged marriage. Stories like these make me thankful that I didn’t have to get increasingly more frustrated with the process by trying it out for myself.

A.