Week 17: Maybe Baby

The underlying theme this week has been, "Is there really a baby in there?" I woke up one morning, panicking at the feel of the flat stomach under my hand (as if I ever had a flat stomach pre-pregnancy, but whatever), and started Googling to see if there were possibly others who were still not showing 17 weeks in. How could you NOT show something the size of an apple? And yes, I've felt the occasional flutter, but I'm now convinced that it's just gas. I then woke up my husband to check what he thought. He was remarkably patient for someone who was woken up at 5am.

On the bright side, later in the week, the maid asked my mother-in-law if I was pregnant, the first person to suspect it without being told! The maid in Chennai, on the other hand, asked my mum if I was home for college vacations, and a family friend asked if I was going to tuitions when I was out on a walk one morning. My friends and I recently had a good rant-fest about over-mothery mothers, after which I didn't feel that I could smoothly slip in that I was pregnant. So yes, all in all, I was thrilled to be at least questioned about a possible pregnancy.

The evening following my panic attack, I was changing into my pyjamas, and R gaped at how much bigger I was now. I suppose the hugeness is really not evident in the clever clothes I wear, but it's a bit harder to hide without the camouflage. Even then, it's my recurring worry that the doctors in India will just take a look at my scan and say there's no baby in there, and that I'm just getting fat/having leg cramps because of the copious amounts of rice and milk I've been force fed lately! I haven't been near a set of scales lately, but I estimate I weigh at least 53kgs by now (I was 49 pre-pregnancy) - the joys of never having had any morning sickness, and being more diligent about my milk intake :)

The joys of being back in India also continue - I get opinions and advice galore, most of which makes very little sense at all. Sit down more often. Don't walk so fast. You stand up too much. You're too thin. Don't wear jeans. This stuff stopped being amusing but I'm trying to channel R's patience, and also remembering not to bother with anyone's opinion other than my doctor's. 'You should eat for two,' in particular, usually makes me want to eat someone's head off - 230 extra calories a day! It's an extra sandwich, if that! Indians and their need to over-eat. And then we wonder why people don't lose their baby weight post pregnancy.

We were in Bangalore this week, so that R could get a sense of the VC scene/tech talent. When we first came to India, he wanted to spend a couple of weeks at his parents' place because then we'd definitely move to Bangalore. However, after coming here, he's not sure if Hyderabad's a better place - there are a couple of interesting leads on the incubator front, and he knows the landscape here a bit better. Plus, it's lots cheaper.

I'm usually pretty zen about uncertainty and change, but I am vaguely anxious about finding a doctor/hospital without knowing which city we'll be in. To cover our bases, I checked out a couple of hospitals in Bangalore. They charge between 80K & a little over a lakh for a normal delivery without epidurals etc - I miss my insurance more than ever. So those are the flip sides of the start-up dream so far - uncertainty and hospital prices. Subjectively, it may make me a bit emo at times, but objectively (which, thankfully, is more usually my state of mind), we can well afford it, and don't really have to make a decision right away as I can do a one-off anomaly scan at any hospital I want.

It was lovely having a place of our own in Bangalore for a week. The one real downside of not knowing where we're going to stay full time is that we're currently still at my in-laws' place. And while it's a really comfortable place, and they're super nice to me, it's weird staying with anyone other than R for very long when you're in your late twenties. Also, my friends are all on the other side of town, and trundling 20km one-way in an auto is not my idea of fun these days. Ah well. We'll have a decision one way or the other by the end of week 20.