R,
This morning, I woke up at 5am to see you off at the airport. (It must be love.) Then I realized it was -9 degrees out, and decided filmy expressions of love were overrated.
Ever since then, of course, I've obsessed over whether I jinxed your trip by not seeing you off. It’s a long flight, as all company-expensed flights tend to be, which means I've a long time to sit and stew. I realize it sounds slightly macabre, so let me put this in perspective.
All our parents’ friends are hale and hearty; their parents are only now calmly, peacefully, passing on. Meanwhile, in the last couple of years alone, we've heard of so many road accidents causing fatalities among our peer group.
The newly married groom knocked off his bike.
The father taking the bus home to celebrate his daughter’s second birthday.
People with their whole lives in front of them, wiped out without warning.
Errant drivers pay nominal bribes to any enthusiastic policemen who bother following up (who decides how much a life is worth?). Both parties get on with their lives. Meanwhile, the young widows left behind are looked at suspiciously by relatives who dub them unlucky. They get stuck in no man’s land.
Which unlucky parents would want to support their daughter beyond the lump-sum payment they dished out at the wedding? What devil-may-care Indian groom wants ‘used’ goods? She could live alone and support herself with her job, but let’s not delude ourselves into thinking that won’t invite pointed fingers and constant vigilance from her erstwhile in-laws, sundry relatives, and even the rare landlord who agrees to let out a place to a single woman. We may not expect widows to shave their heads and wear white saris anymore, but they’re often no less conspicuous in Indian society than they were fifty years ago.
I do realize we live in Canada where the roads are a hundred times safer – I joke all the time about crossing roads more slowly here because no one would dare deal with the lawsuits if they ran over someone, accidentally or otherwise. I’m not that great with math, but the likelihood of a road accident is probably one in ten thousand. All of which is to say that I’m not really worried.
You & I are blessed with parents who, I think, love us unconditionally for ourselves, as well as because I’m your wife/you’re my husband. When I hear about road accidents, I worry about the idea of my life without you. Even then, I’m aware of how lucky I am to know that that’s all I have to worry about. If only all Indian women were allowed that luxury.
Stay safe and call me soon.
A.
This morning, I woke up at 5am to see you off at the airport. (It must be love.) Then I realized it was -9 degrees out, and decided filmy expressions of love were overrated.
Ever since then, of course, I've obsessed over whether I jinxed your trip by not seeing you off. It’s a long flight, as all company-expensed flights tend to be, which means I've a long time to sit and stew. I realize it sounds slightly macabre, so let me put this in perspective.
All our parents’ friends are hale and hearty; their parents are only now calmly, peacefully, passing on. Meanwhile, in the last couple of years alone, we've heard of so many road accidents causing fatalities among our peer group.
The newly married groom knocked off his bike.
The father taking the bus home to celebrate his daughter’s second birthday.
People with their whole lives in front of them, wiped out without warning.
Errant drivers pay nominal bribes to any enthusiastic policemen who bother following up (who decides how much a life is worth?). Both parties get on with their lives. Meanwhile, the young widows left behind are looked at suspiciously by relatives who dub them unlucky. They get stuck in no man’s land.
Which unlucky parents would want to support their daughter beyond the lump-sum payment they dished out at the wedding? What devil-may-care Indian groom wants ‘used’ goods? She could live alone and support herself with her job, but let’s not delude ourselves into thinking that won’t invite pointed fingers and constant vigilance from her erstwhile in-laws, sundry relatives, and even the rare landlord who agrees to let out a place to a single woman. We may not expect widows to shave their heads and wear white saris anymore, but they’re often no less conspicuous in Indian society than they were fifty years ago.
I do realize we live in Canada where the roads are a hundred times safer – I joke all the time about crossing roads more slowly here because no one would dare deal with the lawsuits if they ran over someone, accidentally or otherwise. I’m not that great with math, but the likelihood of a road accident is probably one in ten thousand. All of which is to say that I’m not really worried.
You & I are blessed with parents who, I think, love us unconditionally for ourselves, as well as because I’m your wife/you’re my husband. When I hear about road accidents, I worry about the idea of my life without you. Even then, I’m aware of how lucky I am to know that that’s all I have to worry about. If only all Indian women were allowed that luxury.
Stay safe and call me soon.
A.
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