Parents Know Best?

R,

P posted pictures of her baby girl on our family’s mailing list, she’s so cute!  She looks just like P, except for her eyes, which are her father’s. P’s parents will probably remember the fit they threw about the marriage every time they look into those baby blues. I wonder if it would have been easier for them to accept it if she’d married an Indian. Somehow, I doubt it. He’d have had to be a Brahmin too. A Tamil Brahmin at that. With the right gothram. Further…

Sometimes, parents want to control everything. I understand that it comes from the best possible place – they want to do everything in their power to give you what they consider the best possible chance of happiness. No option is comparable to the one they envisioned. It’s no different from their wanting a certain career for you, which they think will ensure a steady, good life. It has to be confusing for our parents, who find themselves in times that are very different from the ones they grew up in.

I’m not saying I’d be this mature and understanding if I actually had to argue with them. Luckily, both our parents are usually open to discussion, and willing to laugh at themselves – I can only hope that flexibility and patience is something they've passed on to us. It makes it very easy to respect them and give them a fair hearing in return.

I've noticed that Indian parents in India are usually more adaptable than those living abroad. The latter seem to feel the responsibility for Indian civilization as a whole lies on their shoulders. Maybe they think they’ll be judged more harshly because they’re no longer Indian residents. 

Look at L - Indian society meetings every weekend, strict curfews, tight restriction of pocket money, she’s never lived away from home. In spite of this (because of it?) she managed to sneak out, experiment, and have at least four serious boyfriends, any of whom would have horrified her parents. I don’t think they will ever hear about these boys, she’d be too terrified to bring it up, even if one were Tam Brahm and she wanted to marry him. 

When push comes to shove, I wonder if she’ll marry whoever they tell her to? Time will tell.

-A.