You’re very vocal about your dissatisfaction with ‘Something Borrowed’ being on TV every alternate weekend (personally, I think you should just be grateful we're not subjected to yet another Keeping up with the Kardashians marathon). I have nothing to say in defense of the movie, or even the book. The 5.9 on IMDB seems about right. There’s this other book by the same author, Emily Giffin, which I was reading. It’s called ‘Love the One You’re With,’ and it’s about a woman who bumps into her ex, accidentally, and then on purpose.
She was clearly asking for trouble, but let’s forget about her, and think about people whose fates don't lie in the hands of an author. Emily Post would probably advise the well-bred to steer clear of situations where they could run into former paramours, and I quite agree. However, what does etiquette demand if your paths do happen to cross? Are you meant to react at all? Treat the ex the way you’d expect your partner to, if the situation were reversed?
I know some people who say they won’t tell their future spouses about past relationships. I see their point. I’ve seen arranged marriages, where you can tell that the prospective bride/groom is great, but just won’t get why their spouse bothered seeing someone in the past, or why they’d bring it up. It’s not the done thing in India to talk about uncomfortable things, after all. It’s definitely a moral gray area though – if you didn’t do anything you’re ashamed of, why feel the need to hide it? Consider the microscopic mind space the former flame takes up in your average day, versus the mega explosion it could trigger if the topic’s brought up, and the reasoning's self evident.
I’m an advocate of selective omission. I define this as telling people what they’re capable of processing (there’s no need to tell my grandmother about what my friend got up to at the club, for instance). With India’s varying moral scales, that’s just self-preservation, assuming you want to retain your sanity.
My only concern with the arranged-marriage-selective-disclosure scenario is that it could set the precedent until you’ve completely reinvented yourself for your spouse. A lifetime is a long time to be someone else convincingly. I can’t imagine the fireworks that would fly if news of a former flame slipped out after two years of marriage, instead of on the second date pre-marriage.
As you know by now, and probably regret at times, there are absolutely no omissions when it comes to me and you. With the amount of sleep talking I do, you’ll probably learn all my deep, dark secrets anyway.
- A.
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