Week 9: Not your usual pregnancy update

People we've told so far: 3.

The eye doctor, the eye doctor's receptionist, the dental hygienist.

Awkward conversations where everyone tells us how great it is that we don't have kids and can do whatever we want: too many to count.

R & I are finding it difficult not to scream the news from the mountaintops. It doesn't help that I don't look, feel, or act pregnant, so no one has any reason to guess. This week, we started telling people that we were moving back to India & that R would be starting his own business. So, of course, they told us how great it was not to have any 'responsibilities.' I predict we're going to have that elephant-in-the-room question when we tell them about the baby a month from now: was it planned?

Not that it's anyone's business, but it was; just as much as the entrepreneurship move was planned. We didn't necessarily expect both to culminate simultaneously though. We found out I was pregnant two days after R put down his papers. Does that change anything? I say no.

I'm not suggesting that we'll always put our lives before our kids', but in this case, I think it's warranted. We can't put our lives on hold to have a baby. R's business idea is time sensitive, and I really do think it'll work. As for Angur (the baby's grape sized this week) - having no insurance will be a bit of a pain, but even if we pay for everything ourselves, we still have the savings to get through a couple of years comfortably. I think it's far better to do this than to take the safe option and risk a slightly martyred resentfulness deep deep deep deep deeeeeeep down. 

I read a quote somewhere which goes roughly like this: 'Take the leap, a net will emerge.' This all still seems like a fairly well-hedged bet to me. There are moments when I start wondering if I should find a job, just to have a steady income - but that's the emotional side talking, not the rational. The rational knows that we'll be fine. 

This week, I'm proving Newton's law - a body in rest will stay in rest unless an outside force acts on it. Other than that, I'm still absurdly loving sugar with a passion (this is clearly R's child) and not able to taste much. I feel a little blind without my palate, but if that's the most I have to complain about, I still feel very lucky. In my mum's side of the family, legend has it that a difficult first trimester leads to a girl child. I guess that makes Angur a boy. 

Money Matters

R,

Fact: you’ve always made more money than me (you risked a pricey business degree, so you deserve the extra $$’s you retain after paying off the hefty loan).

Fact: It doesn’t bother me – it isn’t even something I think about.

Of course, that’s easy for me to say. We’re not getting a divorce, so the ugly battles of rights over money doesn’t come up. We don’t have joint assets, since we use up our money on travel rather than houses or cars. You’re older than me, you’ve more work experience, you’ve the fancy degree. I’d have something to think about if you weren’t earning more than me. 

What if the situation was reversed? You’ve always talked about starting something of your own. If you did, I’d be the primary breadwinner for a bit. I can’t imagine it changing the equation between us, but you never know. I’m inherently frugal, would I become a shrew? You’re ambitious, impatient, and believe in living life to the fullest – would you resent me? 

Money comes up in Indian marriages in so many ways, even assuming dowry is actually illegal and doesn’t enter the picture. From the suitor looking for working women (progressive!) with salaries less than his, to the parents who are suddenly reluctant to ask their daughter for anything despite having to take out loans for her wedding, and despite her giving them a portion of her salary in the past. The housewife who gets a monthly allowance, the question of joint bank accounts and who contributes what percentage of money to it. The possibilities for miscommunication are endless, especially given no one likes to talk about money.

I read somewhere that it’s the leading cause of marital disputes. It’s easy to imagine. 

-A.